Gnomes Running Waters


Inspector: This is the story of the Earth, right now? A planet that cannot successfully deliver a fundamental resource of life all its inhabitants. The peak of civilization, and the result is that, ‘they just can’t get along?’ are you fucking kidding me? Who’s in charge here?

— Gnomes Over[-]hea[r]d:


Drily Macab: what do you mean, they don’t yet have water?


Glad be Urve: right now?


Drily: don’t do that. You know exactly what I mean, don’t be temporally anal. Who’s in charge?


Glad: temporarily?


Drily: you won’t be ‘glad’ much longer…


Glad: sorry. In charge? Right now? No one, really.


Drily: a committee, then? Who leads the committee?


Glad: no. I mean, there was one brilliant human in charge for a bit, but the seat turned over, and now, some kind of troll rules.


Drily: is the troll at least actively working on the water problem?


Glad: he’s actively working on a cheeseburger, or, something not water, anyway.


Drily: how much time have they had?


Glad: more than ten thousand revolutions.


Drily: more than ten? And the most active organism doesn’t even have a fully functional water system?


Glad: they’ve had a rough go of it.


Drily: says here: Earth. Blue planet.


Glad: true true, but their strength is will-power driven by desire: even with abundant resources, several thought, and sought, to own it all for themselves.


Drily: you’re telling me, after more than ten thousand years of a prominent, dominant organism overseeing a blue planet, water does not run to all constituent life because they don’t… get along?


Glad: yes. Er, yes, more or less. Yep.


Drily: shut it down.


Glad: but wait! Some have water.


Drily: and a troll’s steering the ship?


Glad: I wouldn’t say that exactly, but he is standing neeeear the helm. (No button, by the way! so, they’ve got that going for them.)


Drily: I’m supposed to be impressed they don’t have a single point of failure exposed to destroy themselves?


Glad: yes? It is a big positive. I told you the leader is a troll, right?


Drily: now.


Glad: yes. Right now.


Drily: no. Now. Shut it down. Now.


Glad: right.


Drily: now.


Glad: right.


Drily: stop it.


Glad: now?


Drily: …


Glad: I just don’t think that will help. Let’s allow it to play itself out; it’s not like they’re getting off the planet at this rate!


Drily: fine. But if they contaminate another sector, it’s on you — next!


Glad: next what? I’m g[G]lad[,] we’re just gnomes.

©2020 by Aaron Safronoff

Designed by Kiel Kreatives

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